The EX Factor

There’s a moment that moment when you meet someone who actually gets it. Someone who doesn’t make you question your worth, who isn’t playing emotional hide-and-seek, who gives grown, intentional energy. And for once, you start thinking, Damn…this could actually be something.

But right as you’re easing into that peace, right as you’re vibing with someone who knows how to text back without a prayer circle involved here they come.

The EX factor.

I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if these ghosts of situationships past have some sixth sense, if there’s a group chat where your name starts trending the second you’re happy, but baby, they know. The moment you’re in proximity to romantic greatness, every dusty, emotionally unavailable, “let’s just see where this goes” man from your past starts popping up like bad credit.

“Hey stranger…” “Was just thinking about you.” “We should grab a drink and catch up.”

Catch up on what, sir? The time you wasted? The clarity I found after you fumbled me?

It’s like they can smell your joy. Like happiness without them triggers some internal alarm, and suddenly, the man who couldn’t spell commitment if you spotted him the vowels is now so curious about how you’ve been. Not because they care but because they realize you slipped through their trifling little fingers and became the best version of yourself without them.

Let’s be clear: they didn’t want you when they had you. Not really. They wanted access. They wanted convenience. They wanted vibes without responsibility. But now that you’re glowing, now that someone else sees your worth and isn’t scared to act on it, suddenly they remember your number.

It’s wild how that works. The EX factor is real. It’s that magnetic pull where old flings, failed potentials, and expired talking stages try to resurface the moment you’re about to elevate.

But here’s the thing they don’t actually want you. They want the version of you they built in their head. The one who’s still waiting around. The one who still answers. The one who’s still available for their nonsense.

And isn’t it funny how they never come back with accountability? Never a “Hey, I realized I messed up.” Never a “I wasn’t ready back then.” Just vibes and vague texts, hoping nostalgia will do the heavy lifting.

But not today. Because when you’ve met someone who actually shows up for you, you start to recognize that those “what ifs” and “maybes” from the past were really just delays in your journey not destinations.

So next time the EX factor hits and your phone lights up with ghosts of foolishness past, remember: They’re not reaching out because they miss you. They’re reaching out because they can feel you don’t miss them.

And that, my dear, is power.

Let ‘em watch you be happy from a distance.

Question: Why do people who once ignored you suddenly appear when you’re happy without them?

-A Vers Man